Humpingtons_retire.mp3 Hello! First, some apologies - I tried to do a fancy sort of transcontinental accent, the kind they did in old black and white movies, but it's not meant to sound British at all. Just snooty!

Lord and Lady Humpington have a nightly problem which Lord Humpington certainly can't grasp and Lady Humpington cannot stand. But she is too polite to simply demolish his views of good standing and take what she wants. In fact, she wants him to take what he wants, if only he would want it as much as she.

This is a night of her victory against him. There is mild trickery, alcohol, reading, humping (of course), attempted polite discussions and confusion.

Written and voiced by myself! This is adult material meant for adults. There may even be sex. And exposed mammary glands.

Credit to /u/HannaSlamma

for bringing the meme of "mmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens I'm arriving" to my attention! And I can't remember who gave me with "ectoplasgasm" but it was not my idea.

French phrases I've taken from Downton: * "en déshabille" - undressed * “idee fixe” - fixed idea/obsession * "Fait accompli" - literally "an accomplished fact" i.e. something unavoidable * "Noblesse oblige" - what the higher classes are obliged to do as a matter of their status.

SFX from Freesound and Zapsplat